I am completely unprepared.
Even if I were to hypothetically possess a whole collection of handy resources and lesson ideas, I still think I wouldn't feel prepared. Similar to the feelings I had in the lead up to leaving home, no amount of time will ever be enough to make me feel ready. It doesn't really matter how many hours there are between now and the first bell tomorrow, or how much I can organise before then... I will never reach that point of clarity and confidence where I feel ready to walk through the school gates...
I'm so thankful that my first placement is in the same school as D. I'll need someone to confide in at break time, someone who I can quietly have a mini freak out with before the confident façade returns and we head back to class. It's difficult to imagine myself in front of a class again. It's been such a long time and to be honest the thought of standing up there, in front of all those little faces terrifies me. It's not the crowd, or the managing of their behaviour, it's not the smart asses who will try to show me up or the brats who will try to pull me down... It's the possibility that I will get up there and it won't feel right. I've left so much behind to pursue my teaching career, that the idea of me not enjoying it, or not being good at it completely frightens me.
Xxo
Even if I were to hypothetically possess a whole collection of handy resources and lesson ideas, I still think I wouldn't feel prepared. Similar to the feelings I had in the lead up to leaving home, no amount of time will ever be enough to make me feel ready. It doesn't really matter how many hours there are between now and the first bell tomorrow, or how much I can organise before then... I will never reach that point of clarity and confidence where I feel ready to walk through the school gates...
I'm so thankful that my first placement is in the same school as D. I'll need someone to confide in at break time, someone who I can quietly have a mini freak out with before the confident façade returns and we head back to class. It's difficult to imagine myself in front of a class again. It's been such a long time and to be honest the thought of standing up there, in front of all those little faces terrifies me. It's not the crowd, or the managing of their behaviour, it's not the smart asses who will try to show me up or the brats who will try to pull me down... It's the possibility that I will get up there and it won't feel right. I've left so much behind to pursue my teaching career, that the idea of me not enjoying it, or not being good at it completely frightens me.
Xxo